Tuesday, October 19, 2010

ireport 10

For brevity and anonymity sakes let’s call her Mrs. X or Sheela Darling!!

She is one of the nameless, faceless women who lives, breathes in our country all driven by the weight of the advertisements, billboards extolling beauty and the shortest quickest way to be fair and lovely, beautiful with a sylph body, waif- thin like Kareena. I mean where did all the curves go ala Sadhana ji... Don’t we want some meat on the bones? The voluptuousness, curves are a mirage now. Just imagine, what sheela darling has to go through.. She starts with a normal physique( BMI in order)and then suddenly a fad starts where THIN is IN WHICH DROPS TO size ZERO( COURTESY Rujuta Dwidekar n saifeena madness)I mean , we have laptop ‘s who are giving me a complex and even the I-pad says I’m thin , I’m thin.
Suddenly the nukkad wala sabziwala, the Apni Mandi sees an upsurge of lettuce sales or the country cousin cabbage. A note here: the deputy cm and the ex-fm ; we could have started/ heralded an entire agricultural revolution if we had marketed cabbage in proportion to the sexy curves of a Punjabi woman. This unruly mess that Punjab is would never have happened. Forget debt, we would have record revenue. If there is one thing the Punjabi farmer knows is, is his farming and how to boost his production He who toils, would have toiled for this sickly green leaf and the zero calorie food value it has. There are rumors that the latest is a lettuce wrap which drains out excess fluid when the lettuce is wrapped around oneself. Just imagine, the organic, inexpensive way to be thin. Never mind the creepy –crawlies coming out.
She thinks, wonders how to fit herself in the clothes which threaten to shape every bulge, every curve so lovingly nurtured with the extra butter on the paranthas and the yummy dal makhani.Isn’t it strange how gravity starts affecting every move? The jiggle, every turn threatens to spiral one downwards, and how suddenly bras and undies became lacier and more expensive than the clothes wore on ones back. Mrs X laments the fact, how why what, is she going to tone herself with a fine butt. The gym instructor who promises the moon by eating right is actually a devil in disguise that puts her through reps and torture. Her current fantasy shifts from making love to Gerard Butler to strangulating him to a slow painful death on the elliptical.
It sure doesn’t end here one has to constantly be tweezed, waxed, buffed, sanded, massaged as if the Grand prix was on. The entire industry of cosmetics slowly exists on the one myth that if we use this product after a short period of time say 7 days… a fairer , cleaner you is possible who then goes onto become the ultimate sex object. Remember here ladies, please do not step out in the sun, it might darken your skin so join the Twilight brigade (Vampire ...Edward Cullen fame) and have the lustrous, glistening like diamonds skin which will dazzle and cause temporary blindness, something to the affect. (The writer is just trying to say in short people will swoon and faint looking at you)
Oh ,last not the least Sheela has to get her straightened, colored, with a few strategic flicks on her forehead all giving a mysterious air like Mata Hari .She wonders where did the comfortable swirl of her hair which could be conveniently be put up in a bun to stave away the heat. No, now it’s important to have all of them straight in an exotic color with a shine which rival’s the wax jobs given on the cars at the Jaguar showroom. You know, how the brits say spit and polish…
I could go on about the solitaires, the C’s which are the bible of every woman these days and the expensive shades which shield the exotic eyes, all kohled and made up but hidden behind them.
This anonymous woman faces the daily task of breathing openly for the fear of popping her jeans and make things go snap facing the world through her strategically placed hair with her hands buffed and feet into the latest nude peep-toes , while humming the tune in her mind …’You are so beautiful’
Reminiscing about the time when beauty was not skin deep and was not an overt display.

Ps: normal specimens still found at large

Monday, October 18, 2010

The dichotomy of love and disdain living side- by-side is what surprises me. I am tired of the rules, she says.
She comes from a very poor tribal family of Jharkand, the state carved out of Bihar for better ruling and control by the centre. Who are we to draw these lines of invisible borders with in our own country? I mean the babu sitting in the colonial office in north block would not even have the faintest notion of the people he was demarcating. These lost tribes of Jharkand who have been given a form of semblance by the missionaries and are herded in trains to serve us fat cow Punjabis living in our affluent opulent homes in the North. These adivasis are taught to be servile , sucked into the mire of civilization and are cloned into working as maids, domestic helps,ammaji’s who are seen but not heard , effective, efficient giving stiff competition to the robots of Japan! My dear nikki,urf Basanti who travelled from the jungles of Jharkhand to the urban jungle that is Delhi . She wetted her first few years over there working, learning the nuances of cosmopolitan life and was de-flowered from the innocent she was to a shrewd all observing but never voicing woman she is today. By chance, we became her next employers through the agency which is the answer to all women’s problems. A maid guaranteed to work for one with no holidays for a guaranteed eleven months. I mean it was like manna from heaven. Ideally speaking, she was at my beck and call no chutti, no bahana to go anywhere. I was in seventh heaven, someone to listen and cater to all my whims and do all the work...Wow!!The non-stop cleaning started, we kicked in huge dust balls which Im sure never existed but came into the fore mysteriously. She was a stickler for cleanliness, with an Obsessive cleanliness disorder which had gone undiagnosed in the medical history.
This four foot nothing woman , quiet as a mouse who didn’t understand our loud, boisterous Punjabi ways assimilated into the routine as if she was here since time immemorial. I wonder, does she find our ways alien. We who would let her do everything , all the work with the rest of the retinue of staff , but due to some ingrained archaic laws which exist in this Land of Pure and the cradle of the youngest so called forward religion..We would differentiate. I mean, she has her own plates, her own glass to drink the de riguer chai( staple of the work-force) but ever suspicious of her drinking or whisking milk away. She makes our tea, coffee (endless cups) but...Keep an eye out she must be drinking it on the sly..Warned the elders. Do you realize when we talk in our fine, polite society tones it’s an octave lower but when speaking to the servants we raise it three octaves higher, thinking that they have become suddenly deaf!!
I would like to not herald a war of the classes or ask anyone to take up cudgels but please take stock of the helpers working in your homes, slaving away day and night..When was the last time you gave them something new, bought out of free will and not given because you didn’t want it? When did you give her a smile or asked her how she is? Do you know abt her real name? Why did she come so far away to this land to work? My dera basanti now christened Basant kaur has an abusive husband with whom she has not lived for years, two children who need to walk 3 kms to reach their school in a village I cant even pronounce.try giving her what she wants most of all self –respect , self-esteem and if you thin im a loony record how you speak to your helpers and replay your voice..yu’ll know what im talking about…
God made us equal, I don’t think he puts an invisible rubber stamp saying servant , master…and even if by fate we do become like this; please show compassion.
Parenting is such a complicated job, there are no set rules, guidelines or one can’t go the store to buy a book which in a concise manner will lay down the steps to guide your child through his/ herlife.One has to learn, stumble, pick oneself and walk this journey which is called life which has so many curveballs which leave you dizzy but has its rewards also. Today’s youth are part of a generation which is more focused on their rights, their privileges which are due to them rather than their responsibilities and their obligations. Some parents want to blame the media for this trend, it is so easy to pass the buck and let someone else be the fall guy. However the media is not responsible for educating kids or instilling values in them and teachers are there to educate them focusing on the academic content with a certain purview of values.
So, the question is who is responsible for gen-x‘s mindset? Quite frankly the onus is on the parents. You, me, we all are responsible... Nobody can place moral ethical values on them or discipline our children apart from the parents. Unfortunately, too many parents are trying to be their kid’s best friend and are shirking from the inherent parental duty- namely to mold the child to be a responsible adult of tomorrow. For today’s youth to excel tomorrow, parents need to raise the bar and expect the best from their kids each and every day. Raising the bar is not figurative here! It means to build a relationship where a child will be brought up in a relationship where he is taught to emphasize responsibility and moral behavior. Such an endeavor begins its journey from the first and fundamental rung called trust. It is not easy to create trust, to give trust and especially in young people it is a difficult task. . However, the greater the trust you build with your kids the greater the sense of responsibility in them.
We give them freedom an d when they somewhat violate the lines which are constructed by us as barriers or the fine lines of societal norms we take the freedom back. This is damaging and parents should realize that by giving them freedom we need to make them responsible to shoulder this new fangled freedom given to them. It is important to set expectations early. Young people actually crave expectations, rules and responsibilities. They want the adults in their life to tell them , in clear dialog what they are supposed to strive for.
What are your personal expectations for your children? Do your kids know what you expect of them? Do they understand those expectations? Most parents have never voiced their desires, and if they have they are not clear, thus kids are never clear about them. Even more damaging the psyche is that from the past two generations our country has evolved into a society where we give them more freedom, leeway because we as parents do not want to upset them. We are all so caught up in the mirage of being hip, cool, with the times and this jargon falls flat on our face. W e need to move from this mindset where we can fine tune our kids to understand our expectations and teach them how to live in a societal framework. Doing so will actually make the kids feel better, also will lessen the stress, as they wouldn’t have to belabor so many decisions. They will have clear cut decisions for what is right what is wrong and then they act intuitively. Please be a mom or a dad and not the cool dude!!
It is also important to understand and more important to accept your child’s uniqueness. Remember we didn’t place an order and get our kids from a wholesale manufacturing unit. Every child is blessed with his or her own characteristics. The mistake often we make is when we try to relive our youth through our kids. As a result, parents often send messages to their kids that say, ‘You’re not good enough as you are: you should be like this instead.” If kids feel that you won’t accept them as they are with their limitations then they turn towards other sources of acceptances and they won’t seek your guidance or help for anything. It is important to listen, to listen quietly with open ears and a closed mouth however much you must be seething to say something. Listen to the child. Change yourself, to adapt to them, take a good look in the mirror and see how you can be a better parent. Be the adult that you are an don’t let it be a clash of wills, the child wants love, acceptance and even if he is being difficult look beyond that. All kids look to their parents for guidance so remember lead the life you want your kids to copy…
Every adult needs to live, create a model which can be emulated by the kids of tomorrow. They need to be influenced and guided by us so we can shape them to be tomorrow’s responsible leaders. Children are given to us like a lump of clay be like the potter which gently nudges this lump into beautiful pottery sometimes by nudging it and sometimes by slicing the extra bit of clay by a firm stick; gentle but with a bit of authority. Do not shake in your resolve but be firm and gentle….