The Dilemma of A new suit this Diwali

I also am guilty of the same like numerous women, I need new clothes always, I mean I look at the closet and I have nothing to wear. Always never anything appropriate. Sometimes, the color isn’t right, the suit is old, its not the right style, or plain old something is missing in the suit. You know the zing isn’t there.

So, I went visiting to my local haunts, where I get my suits done. All over town, the banners beckoned and seduced me like the houris of heaven promising style, élan and sophistication and promised to make me look like a million bucks. I went to my old Masterji with some material, and he looked at me and said Bibi you’re too old fashioned, and belong to an old era. I only make clothes for women, who wear tight fitting shirts with pajamas or those ugly stretchy leggings. I looked at him wondering where had style gone. All that was on display was bright neon colors as if a nursery kid had gone loose with primary colors. And on top of it the work and the embellishments.

I made my excuses and went to the next tailor master on the list. He welcomed like a long lost prodigal daughter and showed me the latest designs hung on the racks. All I could see was huge tents of billowing material with small slits cut aka Batman style, with some sarvowiski. I asked hesitatingly what were these?  Master cleared his throat and said these were the latest, straight from Middle East and they ensure complete proprietary. I looked at him trying to understand, dumb like a deer caught by dazzling taillights. He explained slowly again and told me nowadays, he made burkhas and hijabs, because the clothes he used to make previously were a sin. And women, wearing them enticed, and goaded men to act in a way in which they were not responsible. Why even his favorite singer Yesudas had said this that women should not wear jeans and should not dress inappropriately.

Now I knew masterji had lost it and joined the gangs of the sexist and was doomed. He did make the best trousers and I was getting frantic now. I had lost my two old chappies to extreme fashion and regression in the mind.

The next stop was this shop where dreams would come true by wearing their creation. And I decided to make them come true this Diwali. Oh, the sight and splendor made me miss a beat. I was lost in an alien dream like shop where gowns out of a fairy book were being sold. It made me gasp , it was as if it was a make believe world out of Grimms fairy tale. Gowns with net tulle, satin finishes, pearls ,fake flowers , gowns with trails ,off shoulder, on shoulder, with no backs and some upheld by a strategic button ( those were a marvel in defying gravity by the way ) .

I smiles, and looked at the sales assistant who said that these were the latest in fashion and the trends were the shades of pink. Also, if I so wanted they would make a same to same outfit for my daughter. She also told me about the free offer. They threw in a net duppatta to be worn when Lakshmi Puja was being done.

I made some polite noises and left the store, wondering what had happened to the simple old salwar kameez for people like me. Master ji was indeed right I was a throw back and didn’t fit in. Empowerment means for me being independent in the mind to know what I want and no be dictated by the hollows of the society. It means to be confident in the national character and not to be swayed by clothes that don’t let you breathe (too tight )  or clothes that are worn because some misogynist man decided we tempted him ( loose billowing tents).

Be yourself and lead the way this Diwali .

And, I think I will wear something out of the closet that is me, than being a Cinderella or a tent with cut out eyes reminding me of Batman or a suit that is so tight and plunging that is claustrophobic and if I breathed a bit too much well everything would tear and pop out .. we don’t want that happening !

Happy Diwali ! And May the festival of light ;light our minds rather than being an empty ceremonial festival where we want our coffers full with money .

The well behaved bahu

I opened the paper on a lazy Sunday with a cup of tea and I’m flipping the pages and then suddenly this big bright advertisement all highlighted in a black border looks at me. It’s a matrimonial ad. An alliance is sought for a young girl and she is a well-behaved, educated, lucky religious and cultured and on top of it very beautiful. She will only respond to prospective grooms who are well-educated, handsome smart, well-behaved and cultured family. The keynote here is the similarity that the bride and groom are well behaved.

It made me laugh and made me sadder a bit more. The marriage mart certainly knows how to sell the bride and groom. Can you imagine the world has to come to selling a girl as she is lucky as her prospects are good for business and there is no fault in the stars (sorry hijacked shamelessly from the book)?  She is educated, that much I can understand as she has the requisite degree to teach the next generation of yuppie kids. She is religious, the epitome of cultured dignified beauty. What stumped me was well behaved; do they mean she is a docile girl?

Why has the world come to look for mindless, docile sheep like women who listen and follow to a T?  Just imagine the world has come to this that a girl is ‘sold’ to being well behaved to toe the line to her in-laws.

Does this mean she has no mind of her own? In a world that is increasingly getting vocal on women empowerment, a world where we want equal rights, where she can speak her mind. Every day in my school, I teach the girls to speak louder, with a confident voice to be heard across. Girls, tremble, don’t even know how to put across what they feel or say. And knowingly we again put them into this cycle where there voice shouldn’t be heard.

A world, that again wants women, to be seen and not heard. We need to seriously rethink , and change our mindset to encourage girls to speak defend themselves and not to quash and quell their voices.

We are not living in a world where we need women with a mute button. She needs to be seen, be heard as an equal partner. A well behaved person is someone who behaves in a manner that the speaker is correct . Are the boys , groom of today looking for cows or sacrificial lamb as life partners?

The particular advertisement has stayed with me and it again makes me wonder of the present scenario. I myself am not well behaved , what would I ask for my daughter in laws? I get it , I don’t need  a daughter who can think or voice an opinion or break out in a dance when the music gets to her , I need a sheep !  Oh ,this marriage business makes me laugh and cry at the same time. We bring up our girls, let them dream , educate them, show them that the world is theirs for the asking  and tell them anything is possible, and then comes the make a marriage moment and then she needs to revert back to being a  docile lamb , frightened , shy and well behaved led to the slaughter !

The slogan of the day is naayi sooch but that is just mere sloganeering !